I got a rewrite on my first elegy, so here is my second one:
Left, lost, lonely and longing-
you are never coming back.
The candid memories evoke such sweet mourning
Left, lost, lonely and longing-
the flicker in my heart and mind cries our for you,
begging for your return.
Left, lost, lonely and longing-
I yearn to take another drive,
like the ones we took to nowhere.
Left, lost, lonely and longing-
darkenss glows in your,
abondoned place.
And Ms. Hill its not about anyone you know....
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(: Great use of anaphora Jeremie! *Thumbs Up* I like it! The tone of your poem makes me feel, lost, confused, & alone? I'm sure it captures the sentiments the narrator is feeling because he isn't sure how to cope without their significant other around. Was this suppose to be about a death, loss of a friendship or a relationship, or did you intend for it to be ambiguous?
ReplyDeleteIts suppose to ambiguous, I'm trying to learn how to write poems like this so I guess this was a good start at writing one
ReplyDeleteI like this elegy jerami, i think its nice, but i think that the begining part to your elegy, well to me doesn't seem to fit in. maby you could try and not reapeat the first part and try something else that might flow better.
ReplyDeletebut thats just what i think over all i like it. i'm gana post nine and you can tell me what you think K.